Cold. Lonely. Frightened. Light and dark chase one another through timeless days. I’m not even sure where I am. Sleep is a sweet relief from my daytime nightmare of hunger, thirst and confusion. I’m stuck here … wherever this is. My vision is a blur, my hearing completely gone. I struggle through this seemingly endless agony to take hold of something that is true. What is true anymore?
I wrestle with this question until one truth illuminates in my mind: where I was before. I wrap my hands around the memory of me standing there, right outside the gate. I was standing right outside my Promised Land. I could see it. I was touching it. I was getting ready to enter in! And then, nothingness. Confusion. Darkness. Captivity. I don’t know exactly what happened in terms of events; I’m not sure what that moment looked like, but I had been ambushed. All forces of Hell had come against me in that moment and I had been taken. Stripped of my weapons, bound and tossed into a dark hole. The aching in my throat assures me that I have spent hours if not days screaming into or at this blackness surrounding me. Nothing. No one has heard me. How long can I last without nourishment? How long will I last without water? But if this is the only place I will live anymore, why does any of that even matter?
In terms of reality, this is all spiritual. A metaphor for where I have been, spiritually speaking. One moment, victoriously standing on the threshold of Promise. I was there! Looking at all that God had spoken into my heart and rejoicing over it. The next moment, struggling to know myself again. Struggling with light and darkness. Bound by confusion and emotional turmoil. Unable to drag myself out of it, I sat helpless and cried out to God, “Where are you? I’m thirsty! I’m famished! I need you!” Nothing. My spirit could sense the presence of Yahweh, but my spiritual eyes were dim and my hearing completely lost. “My God, my God! Why have you forsaken me?”
But with the memory, hope was aroused. Inner strength was aroused. Determination to be free again was aroused. I had been awakened! This enemy, I knew, could be defeated! With no weapons at my disposal and being weak from hunger and thirst, all I could do to combat the enemy was know Yahweh. Trust my God. Hunger for Him. I opened my Word with longing, listened for His voice with every part of myself, and tore myself out of the clutches of the enemy by seeking to know Him more. I reclaimed the truth in my mind and heart. I commanded the forces of Hell to loose those things that are mine. Once again, my enemy trembled. The power of God within me was again a force to be reckoned with at the peril of eternal damnation! And finally, I was free! Thank you, Yahweh, for victory in Jesus’ name!