I got up really early yesterday morning to read my bible before leaving for the latest wrestling tournament. It’s been three weeks since my last Sunday morning service, and although I attend church Sunday evening and Wednesday evening, there’s something about a Sunday morning …
I opened my Bible to the passage of scriptures for this Sunday, the scriptures the Holy Spirit had impressed was our “weapons of war” for this week: Psalm 91. I was longing for it before I even opened the pages. Psalm 91:1 is one of my most cherished verses. As I began to read, I became aware of this painful feeling in the back of my throat. It was a burning sensation, but it was borne of thirst. I was so thirsty! I couldn’t even recall when the last time I had taken a drink, and so this burning thirst made sense. But more than making sense, it hurt. What hurt the most about it was not the physical pain so much as the sudden realization that this thirst in my throat mirrored the thirst in my spirit. I had such a longing for God!
My devotion to Him during this season had not wavered. I missed two Sundays on account of wrestling and one was canceled due to ice and illness. But every one of those mornings, I was up spending my time with God. I was searching for Him daily in the scriptures, praying and fasting. Still, I felt so far from the Source of Life.
At church yesterday evening, I was asking a fellow brother about one of my teens and he began relating their latest troubles to me: their well at their house had run dry. They had no water. My heart went out to them. My spirit picked up on this: dig deeper.
It seems that I am drawing from the same well in the same way I have always done it, and all the sudden it seems that my well has gone dry. I am still thirsty, and the water that was once on the surface and bubbling up to meet me is no longer visible. My only option is to dig deeper. I have to pursue that water, because it is my lifeline. If I don’t have it, I die. This is so spiritually real to me right now. There’s water to be had, in abundance. I just have to dig deeper. This will take something out of me, require something more of me, but it’s so necessary. What other choice do I have? And even if I had another choice, why would I take it? This water has quenched me for so long, I wouldn’t look anywhere else. I must dig deeper.
As the deer panteth for the water so my soul longeth after thee. You alone are my heart’s desire and I long to worship thee.*
Lord, I thirst for you. Help me, Holy Spirit, to dig deeper this well so that I may again drink deeply of the rivers of living water. I am parched within. Father, satisfy my longing with more of You.
I love You.
Love me always,