It’s Friday. I am sitting here snuggled in a blanket getting ready to read Galatians. When I first opened my Word this morning, I noticed this verse in Jeremiah jumping out at me:
“This is what the Lord, the God of Israel says, ‘Write down for the record everything I have said to you…” (30:2).
Before I even opened my word, I had a prayer time with God, in which I confessed some major trust issues such as, I know that God is wanting me to go deeper in our relationship. It’s time for me to sell out to him. To walk up to the burning Mount Sinai and let Him speak to me. But I have balked. Here’s why: I am so scared that I will put my hand to the plow and look back. I guess I have been stuck in that moment of counting the cost and I don’t want to look back once I surrender this to Him. I don’t want to dishonor Him like that. I also confessed my trust issues. Although I have seen God work some amazing miracles in my life, in my finances, etc., I am struggling with trusting the future to Him. Which is so stupid because I can’t control my future anyway. But I have been struggling to surrender my kids’ needs to him, and I don’t want to be poor forever and I have expectations of my future because of the promises He has whispered to my heart, and I find it really hard to let go of this false feeling of control. I am standing on the bank of the river, and He is beckoning me out into the deep. I’m so scared! So I poured all of this out to Him in prayer and then opened my devotional and here’s what it said:
I am your Lord, your Supply. You must rely on me. Trust to the last uttermost limit. Trust and be not afraid. You must depend on Divine Power only. I have not forgotten you. Your help is coming. You shall know and realize My Power.
Endurance is faith tried almost to breaking point. You must wait, and trust, and hope and joy in Me. You must not depend on man, but on Me, on Me, your Strength, your Help, your Supply.
This is the great test. Am I your Supply or not? Every great work for me has had to have this great test-time.
Possess your souls in patience and rejoice. You must wait until I show the way. Heaven itself cannot contain more joy than that soul know when, after the waiting test I crown it Victor, but no disciple of Mine can be victor, who does not wait until I give the order to start. You cannot be anxious if you know that I am your supply.
*God Calling, ed. A.J. Russell, Spire Books, 1987