Spent some time in worship last night. I’ve really just been needing God to speak a Rhema word to me. You know, a word in season. A word that speaks specifically to my prayer and gives renewal and direction. I am in need of a Rhema word. As I laid here listening to worship music, letting it draw me into His presence (or draw Him into mine), I realized that the music was a conversation taking place between His heart and mine. Still echoing today is this line: It’s gonna be worth it. It’s gonna be worth it all. Gonna be worth it…
I realize that there is nothing significantly wrong with my life. I mean, sure, it’s tough. But no tougher than the next gal. Some days are harder than others. For instance, yesterday, the hardest thing I had to do was drag myself out of the house one last time for my daughter’s volleyball practice. Today, my car demanded an emergency visit to the mechanic in several different languages, my furnace filter got sucked up into the black hole inside the furnace, cats have somehow managed to find their way into my basement and create a massive stink, and I realized there was a window loose in the basement door. Yep, some days are definitely worse than others. But even still, it’s not as bad as it could be, I know.
As I took apart the furnace panel by panel, wrestled the filter out through a one-inch slot in the bottom, nailed cardboard to a broken window and caulked the door, I thought about all the things that could be wrong but aren’t. Such as, I am not the parent in a sleep-induced coma who will wake up and bury their child tomorrow. I’m not the mother sleeping huddled around babies in an alley. I’m not kissing hungry babies goodnight. I’m blessed beyond measure, actually. Sure, I may be faced with uncertainty in areas of my life. I’m struggling to know what God would have me to do as far as work and ministry, and those things weigh heavy on my heart. I am constantly aware of needs that I feel should be filled in one way or another and aren’t (atleast in the way I envision them). And all of this hurts. But my spirit ever reminds me, “it’s gonna be worth it.”
I think of Jesus and all He went through to save me, and I imagine that the Spirit whispered this to Him over and over. Through the tears at Gethsemane: “It’s gonna be worth it.” Through the arrest and beatings: “It’s gonna be worth it.” Through the physical pain of the cross: “It’s gonna be worth it.” Through the heartache of mockery and rejection: “It’s gonna be worth it.” Through The Father turning His face away: “It’s gonna be worth it.” And finally, through death: “It’s gonna be worth it.”
Three days later, it was worth it. So worth it. Jesus came face to face with Death, Hell and The Grave, defeated them, redeemed His Beloved (us!) and then sat down at the very right hand of Almighty God. Oh, it was so worth it! My heart is uplifted with this reality. God gave Jesus exactly what He promised as Jesus fulfilled His purpose.
I guess I just needed to be reminded that life doesn’t have to make sense. There will always be taint of death and destruction. It’s my birthright, in a sense, of my carnality. A constant reminder of my need for Him. There will always be pain and suffering, some things that will hurt worse than others. There will always be rejection and mockery. There’s a something to be done that doesn’t necessarily fit the plan or feel good. However, there will also always be a whisper in my heart, “It’s gonna be worth it. It’s gonna be worth it all.” All that I imagine Heaven to be cannot even come close to reality. If “eye hath not seen, ear hath not heard…” I really have no idea just how much is waiting for me there. But I hold to this promise, as surely as Jesus did, “It’s gonna be worth it.”