You know that one person in your life that, excepting your own responsibility for the chaos, you can blame them for it? I will not hide the fact that I have such a person. Most, if not all, of us do. Not only that, but I have been reminded anew that I am still a sinner saved by grace. It all happened when my life crossed paths with this person today…
It was one of those things you can’t avoid. A “bound to happen” kind of thing. I stood there in an attitude of what I thought was graciousness. After all, my mouth can be insanely unkind without the guidance of the Holy Spirit and I thought I was graciously keeping all my thoughts to myself, a kind of mercy if you will. You know, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” So with my mouth closed and my mind wide open, I was struggling to take captive every thought. And most of them sounded so much like something that would normally come out of my mouth that I entertained them for a while. But I didn’t say anything. For a grueling 30 minutes or so, I was mute. Unbelievable, right?!
I went straight home after that and started cooking dinner, and while I’m standing at the counter frying fish, I mentally began to pat myself on the back. Congratulations on a job well done! And I heard an echo in my spirit, “Congratulation on a façade well done!” What? Wait a minute! That’s not what I said … what do you mean? I was real! I was so real! I was so real with myself that I controlled everything inside of me that was dying to come out! Don’t I get credit for that?
Turns out, Jesus wasn’t pleased. Sure, I kept my thoughts to myself and didn’t hurt anyone else, but I still hurt myself. I still came home steeped in sin. Ugh! Wretched creature that I am!
I probed the Spirit for guidance into the Word and what I received as understanding is this: the Holy Spirit had guided my actions, but not so much my thoughts. And Jesus said that if we entertain thoughts of sin, we are guilty of that sin. Thank God for grace and mercy, right? This is a tough pill to swallow, and many of us make allowances for ourselves that cause us to totally disregard the reality of our guilt. Thank you, Spirit, for calling me out on the unrighteousness inside me and humbling me once again. Thank you for showing me again just how much I need the blood of Christ, the forgiveness of the Father and the Your guidance in all things.