I’ve been in a little bit of a funk lately, as I just know my feet are on the edge of the Promised Land and yet, I feel like I have no direction and life is going on as normal. Frankly, I struggle to accept this “life as normal.” I’m not a “normal” kind of person. Yes, I just admitted it: I’m abnormal. The thing is, I know what I have heard my Father speak to me, and I know He cannot lie. I know that there is so much more to life than this and I hate the waiting.
I was praying about this this morning and I had a revelation of what my relationship with Jesus is like. I saw the two of us in a car together, he behind the wheel and me in the passenger’s seat. He was smiling, looking ahead and enjoying the ride, while I sat beside him with a look of sheer terror on my face. Then I saw myself grab the wheel and jerk it real hard toward my direction. The end.
And with that, I realized what the Lord is saying to me: I am a reckless passenger. I don’t trust Him to guide me, and I’m afraid of His guidance when He does. The concept of a joy ride is not even on my radar. There’s no such thing. I sense that this journey with Him is supposed to be peaceful and fun, a time together when the two of us can lovingly share in conversation while we journey down this road, and yet, I have no idea what He’s saying to me because I am full of anxiety over the path we’re traveling down. To make matters worse, I can’t seem to keep my hands and feet on my own side. I am either grabbing the wheel to steer things my way, or I am sliding my foot beneath His and slamming on the brakes. I’m the worst passenger ever!
It’s amazing how stubborn I am. How little credit I give to the Lord for all He’s done for me, and knowing what He’s done in the past and how capable He is, I am still struggling to trust Him. What is wrong with me!? The truth is, I want to enjoy this ride. The scenery is so beautiful and the time together is all I’ve ever wanted with Him. I want to smile and laugh with Him while he navigates the road and I sit and take in the view. That seems so much more peaceful than what I am doing right now. My reactions to His driving are dangerous! I don’t want to be a reckless passenger any more.
Lord, please calm me with your singing. I would love nothing more than to be able to close my eyes, lean my head back and listen to you and you get us to our destination. I want to laugh with you and have intimate conversation in which you reveal your heart to me. You keep your eyes on the road and I will simply look up and be lost in this moment. This is my desire. I want to honor you as my Husband by trusting you to get us there.