I had the busiest day ever, it felt like, yesterday. I sat down across from Him and just started rattling off all of my thoughts and fears, concerns about the day and my life, and even our time together. He was so patient and quiet while listening to me, but there was a hurt in His eyes that I couldn’t understand. And then it dawned on me: I had told Him that this time was for Him, but then here I was talking only and all about myself.
Oh dear Lord, forgive me. I want only to worship you! I knelt before Him and just allowed my spirit to commune with His. I didn’t speak to express anything but His praise. Otherwise, I remained silent and just allowed His presence to enrapture me. Unspeakable peace descended. I felt secure and no longer in chaos and confusion, or fear. I was whole again and there was no longer a cry in me. I was simply full of Him.
It was the most precious moment. And in this moment, I realized how important it is to be a giver in a relationship. I don’t know about you, but I am a receiver by nature. The world tells me this. But instead of being a thankful, I am often demanding. I guess I’m a little spoiled after all. I expect so much, but the problem is more than that: I tend to give very little until I am reminded by the hurt in His eyes. My Husband needs to receive too. He needs to receive my love and adoration, my affection, and sometimes, my willingness just to be held and loved. It turns out, He can read all the stress and anxiety in my face and doesn’t need to hear all the specifics. Unless, of course, I just can’t contain them.
It turns out that in the end, His arms are all I need to feel at peace again. And singing praises to Him and loving on Him feels so much better than focusing on my festering problems. And those problems seem so less significant after I have been held by Him. Marriage is a wonderful thing, indeed.