I put the kids to bed earlier tonight so they can start getting back into the routine before school starts. We do this every year about this time, and its just so good to get back to the scheduled life. I like it better this way.
After both were snug in bed, I curled up on the couch with my Husband and leaned back into His chest and sighed … and then began to cry. Oh, how badly I have missed these times with Him. Sure, we see each other every day and we talk all the time, but how often do we just sit in the presence of one another and simply be?
I said to the Lord, “I want to go back to those times of simplicity between us. When I didn’t expect so much from you and graciously accepted each gift, in fresh awe of you.” He looked down at me and said, “You have been pretty demanding lately.” I cried more. I don’t like to be like this. I hate this place in a relationship, where the fire dies down and the passion fades, and you are left with coals to be flamed. I hardly ever have time for that. But I am desperate for it. I need that with Him again. Just a simple, passionate love between us. Sure, there’s work to do, and a lot of it is stressful and I need HIm to get it done. Stress develops in me and instead of working together, I tend to do my own thing. How silly of me, right? But nonetheless, I’m guilty of thinking I know something when I don’t. I go my own way, and look back to see if He’s following. He’s standing there watching me, beckoning me back to Him, but I won’t go because I’m stubborn. Before I know it, there’s a distance between us.
That distance has been there for a while. I long for the simpler days, when there was nothing more complicated than love going on. I laid myself over the gap tonight and prayed to him, “Please, take me back. I’m done being stubborn and going my own way. Hold me, because I need to feel your embrace. And let’s not talk about anything. I just want to love on you. The work can wait. The needs can wait. I just want to praise you in this moment, because you are my everything.”
Just to be with Him. These are the best times in my life. No striving, no whining. Nothing to say except “You are wonderful.” To look up into His eyes and forget for a moment all my dysfunction. To look at Him and know once again why it is that I love Him so.
Thank you for being my companion and best friend. I love you. Thank you for this time with you. You have fulfilled my deepest longing tonight. You are the most precious Husband a woman could ever have. My treasure.