I’m stuck in sweet memories lately, of a time when it was just the two of us. A time when we were caught up on the calm, quiet flow of love. We basked in the adoration of one another, completely unaware of time and the world around us. Such sweet memories … and so far removed from the daily grind that wedged its way between us since then. This marriage is so much more than the happily ever after I had imagined. It’s … well, it’s work. And kids. And responsibilities. And ministry. And that short rapturous time we call “the honeymoon” is nothing more than my fondest memory. I think of it often, more so as the days run over one another in a huge hurry to nowhere. I want so badly to go back there, just He and I, and spend time alone rekindling the sweetest love of my life.
I’m full of longing lately. Everyday, I’m rushing here and there, working, cleaning, mothering. All of these things are necessary, I’m sure. But none of them are really fulfilling to me. I long for time of sweet embrace with my Lord. I long for intimate conversations and being held by Him. I know that the Bible says He will never leave us nor forsake us, but the truth is, the gentle embrace of His love is not always immediately discerned. At the end of my long, hard day, I still have to come into His presence and seek Him. I want so badly to be in His presence, basking in His glorious gaze, but after a long, hard day, sometimes, this too feels like work. And I tend to put it off. Until it feels like we haven’t had a moment together in ages. I am existing from Sunday to Sunday with short bursts of His powerful presence followed by what seems to be nothingness. I know its more than that, I just can’t perceive the reality of His presence because I am so busy. So busy doing all these other things that seem immediately important but have little to no eternal value in the long run. The things that do can’t be done without Him anyway, so why am I striving so much? I have no idea.
These feelings have led me to this one conclusion: time alone together is important in a marriage. It’s what keeps the marriage strong. More than anything else, I think. Time to get to know one another, to hear from the heart whom the other is becoming and all the things hidden within that can only be revealed, not stumbled upon. In my relationship with the Lord, He doesn’t reveal Himself to me because I present myself to Him hurriedly each night. He waits until I have cast aside all the things that are vying for my attention and come to Him in calm, quiet surrender at His feet, desiring nothing more than to know more of Him. This is not a time of revealing my hang-ups or my needs. Its a time of pure, unadulterated fellowship. The only goal is to know Him. To hear His heart and to allow Him to wrap His loving arms around me and hold me. This is the times when I am so fulfilled in Him. Nothing compares to this time with Him. And there is nothing in my world that is so important that I should put it before this time. Nothing.
Long after my kids are grown and my hands are too weak to do much of anything, I will still have Him beside me. He will always be there. That is worth nurturing. So what am I to do to once again be enraptured by His love? I will steal time. I will steal time from anywhere I can. Like right now, while the kids sleep. This time is not for playing around on the facebook or popping a movie in. It’s time that I can spend with Him. The dishes aren’t going anywhere, neither is the laundry or any of the other never-ending piles in my life. I will have time for those things tomorrow. Right now, I can give this time to Him. A small sort of getaway built into my day that allows me to lavish on Him and bask in His love. Nothing as elaborate as a honeymoon, but a way for us to rekindle the fire between us in the midst of the everydayness of life. It’s oh so necessary. This is how a marriage survives, I’m sure.