“I will get up and go about the city … I will search for the one my heart loves. (3:2)”
From the mouth of a woman in love, Solomon’s Shulamite admits her own weakness: her desire. Without realizing it, she is driven along by desire to chase a sight of the man she loves. It’s the middle of the night! I just love the Song of Solomon. It’s everything a good love story should be. Two people pursuing one another and confident in each other. Able to trust and not afraid. In fact, do you know what’s missing in the Songs of Solomon? Indication of insecurities. I know why too. Check out this verse that echoes throughout: “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you, do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” At this very moment, every part of me is screaming, “it’s so hard not too!”
It’s electric. How do you stop a current so strong when it’s pulsing through every part of you? How do you keep passion at bay when it’s literally grasping for a spark to ignite it? And then, once it’s been ignited, how do you keep it to yourself? I wonder, how often do we do this to ourselves? How often do we awaken love and then suffer the insecurities that come along with our haste? Sometimes, flowing with the stream of our emotions it seems that the desires of our hearts have materialized and we want so badly to reach out and take it. Is that the proper response? Would God have us to wait? Is there a better way than to grab hold of it now?
I look at the advice of the Shulamite, who was completely confident in Solomon’s love for her. She’s not fighting herself. There’s no inner dialogue of fear going on. She’s not afraid of rejection. She trusts that he is as completely engulfed in their love. She boasts of it. Her secret worth our awe: “Do not awaken love until it so desires.”
I have struggled with this verse. Perhaps that’s why I am still entertaining such fears and insecurities in this area of my life. I dissected it today, and here’s what I see: The word “it” here refers to “love”, right? First John 4:8 says “…God is love.” Therefore, we are admonished to not awaken love until God desires. The Shulamite is no idiot. She knows the heart of a woman well. One minute, she’s in bed, the next, she is aimlessly wondering the streets looking for her man, trying to catch his eye. She has a longing for him that is steering her. Basically, what she’s saying to us is, “Get it under control, girl. Wait on God!” Our insecurities are a direct result of chasing after things that the Lord never intended for us. Relationships come and go and leave these nasty marks on our hearts. And then, when the guy comes along who intends to sweep us off our feet, we struggle to allow him to pursue us. Once love has truly been awakened, we hesitate.
I don’t know how many times I have looked to Heaven and cried, “Daddy, save me!” And He just looks at me and smiles in pity. “Daughter, can you trust me?” And that’s the problem. My insecurities even mar my relationship with my Heavenly Father. No matter what comes out of my mouth, the truth is that if I can’t wait for Him to put a man in my life who is led by His spirit to love me, I clearly do not trust Him in this. Dear God, how I want to.
You do not lie and you have spoken sweet blessings and promises into my heart. Help me not to pursue them, but to pursue you and allow your gifts and blessings to overtake me. Lord, help me to trust your Spirit to bring this man, and help me to not entertain my own fears and insecurities. I want to be secure in his love, just like I am secure in yours. Once again, I ask you to hold my heart until he asks you for it. And may there be no striving as you awaken this love in us. Thank you, Daddy, for your word which brings life. I love you for it.
PS. Here’s a little nugget for the weary women who don’t think men pursue: “I went down to the grove of nut trees to look at the new growth in the valley … Before I realized it, my desire set me among the royal chariots of my people. 6:11-12)” Straight from the mouth of Solomon, he was also driven by desire at times. Let God do His thing and trust Him in it!