I woke up Saturday morning and rolled over to the face of my Husband looking down at me. I could see unabashed adoration in His eyes, and He leaned down very near to my face and asked, with a loving smile, “Why do you listen to others instead of listening to me?”
I rolled over and pulled the covers up to my chin. That was a heavy question to think about, and it was early in the morning. Not only that, it hurt … His sincerity coupled with the fact that it wasn’t exactly untrue kept me silent in bed for the next hour. Lord, what can I say to you?
His gaze followed me all day long as I silently thought out my response. What could I say? I was guilty of it, and I knew it. I would not deny it, even if I could. I value honesty way to much to do that to Him. And there are no excuses that justify this betrayal. He is my Husband. His opinions and directions should trump all the other voices in my life. We are in this together, He and I. So finally, that evening when we sat down together, I said, with much repentance, “I don’t know.” And that’s the truth: I don’t.
I don’t understand why, with so little thought to the feelings of God, I seek out the opinions and best wisdom of others when the Lord has clearly spoken something to me. I don’t understand why I then allow the opinions and advice of others, when it contradicts what I have clearly heard the Spirit speak, to rob me of my peace. Why do I allow confusion to reign in my mind over things God has firmly settled?
I was reading Acts today, and in chapter four, Peter and John are dragged before the Pharisees and threatened for spreading the Gospel. Both men replied, “Which is right in God’s eyes: to listen to Him or to you?” They go on to say in chapter 5, “We must obey God rather than human beings.” As the bride of Christ, they knew that pleasing their Husband was way more important than pleasing the men of the world. Their relationship took precedent over even the requirements of the Law. This is the way it should be in a marriage. Even Paul recognized that when he said in 1 Corinthians 7 that a married man or woman is more concerned about pleasing their wife or husband, while an unmarried person is concerned about pleasing the Lord. This is a catch-22, though. Either way, it applies to you and I. Whether we are single or married, if we are Christians, we are the bride of Christ. Pleasing Him trumps pleasing anyone else. Ideally, at marriage, the two become one in mind and heart, and their one desire is the same: pleasing their Husband. It all comes back to this one thing: bringing glory and honor to God.
Thankfully, the Lord was not accusing me. He was merely pointing out an area in my life that will require some refining. I love the freedom I have in this marriage, to grow without feeling rejected or worthless. It’s the craziest thing: He loves me, imperfections and all. I love Him so much for that. Oh Lord, you’re beautiful!