I’m … ashamed. And appalled. I’m … speechless. I don’t belong here. This dress. This white. This isn’t me. This is not me. I don’t deserve this dress. This beauty. Your attention and affection. I don’t deserve to be here. I have – don’t you know what I’ve done? Don’t you remember where you found me? What I was doing? You caught me in the act! How can you love me still? How can you bring me home again? How can you dress me like this, when I have trampled on the covenant between us? I’m so unworthy. I can’t – I can’t accept your forgiveness and love. I don’t deserve it. I’m so unworthy.
I was sitting at the foot of my Lord. My Husband. My king. Pouring out my heart. My guilt. Dressed in a beautiful white gown that covered me completely. I was dressed in white. I looked stunning. And he was sitting next to me, looking at me with such compassion, watching my tears fall and listening to my anguished cries. His eyes penetrated me. I felt bare before him, and oh so vulnerable. And so filthy. Wearing white. My eyes were on the floor, unable to look up into the face of the man I had betrayed. I loved him still. More, I think, than I had ever before. Relieved to see him again, but very aware that I didn’t deserve him. He is so much better than I am. I was so broken before him.
Then, I felt him gently touch my chin and lift my face to his. He said, “Sing to me.” He’d always loved to hear me sing. So I began to sing. I sang so fervently, willing my words to embrace him the way I wished I could just reach out and embrace him. I missed him in all my wanderings. I missed him severely. Now unworthy to love him, I yearned for him, and sang from a place of grief and desire I’d never known. As I sang, His eyes held my face. He’s so gorgeous. My heart leapt. Then he stood, and reaching out his hand, gently helped me to my feet. And began to softly sway. My heart raced. We were dancing again. Oh, how I love to dance with him! I sang another song, and he held me tenderly while we danced. I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck and breathed him in. My love! This man! Lord, you are so delightful.
It occurred to me as I sang and he held me and we danced, that he never once mentioned my adulterous idolatry. What manner of love is this?!