Overwhelmed

Published September 13, 2014 by Dawn

He sat as patiently as he knew how, while all the ladies standing around him watched with anxious, wringing hands, waiting. They were filled with a mixture of adoration and hesitation over this kid. He was an enigma, to be sure. And he’d had a rough day already. They were really anxious to see how he would respond when she walked in the room. And then it happened. She stepped over the threshold and the biggest smile stretched across his face. He let out the loudest piercing whoop and began to shake with glee. One teacher helped him to his feet and tried in vain to calm him. He smiled from ear to ear, whooped and hollered while she held on to him trying to reason him into some sort of acceptable behavior. Unable to contain himself any longer and frustrated with the woman standing between him embracing his mother, he bit her. He hollered again, jumping for joy, reaching out his little arm in his momma’s direction, and attempting to escape the grasp of this woman who’d now become a captor. He just wanted his mother! Finally, he was led to her, and she scooped him off the edge of the stage and hugged him. I watched, mesmerized by his abounding joy. He smiled and turned his momma’s face to him, cupping her cheek in his hand and beaming at her. She’d turn away to talk to the teacher and he’d cup her face and pull her eyes back to him and emit a burst of jubilant squeals. He was literally unable to contain himself. He was so happy! Sadly, his mother was unable to appreciate his joy; every teacher in the gym was looking at her in pity and consternation. Her son was unable to act in an “acceptable” manner when she came in the gym to pick him up. I stood in the midst of it all and thought, “that’s what it looks like to be overwhelmed.”

I’ve been singing this song I heard on the radio all week, “God, I run into your arms. Unashamed because of mercy. I’m overwhelmed! I’m overwhelmed by you!” But I watched this little kindergartner respond to his mother this afternoon in such an overwhelming, affectionate way and I wondered to myself, “Have I ever really been overwhelmed by God? Have I ever been so equally overwhelmed by my Daddy?” I can say with surety that I have responded to God in this way in private worship at home. He indeed overwhelms me. But I also know the indignation of others in cooperate worship keeps me from responding to my Father with the love and adoration I feel bubbling up inside. I’ve had moments in worship where I felt like I just wanted to dance, but I’ve restrained myself because I was bound by this idea of “acceptable” behavior. The irony of it is that the scriptures that recount David’s dance in 2 Samuel 6 are among my absolute favorites because of how he responds to his wife’s reproach. He says, “It was before the Lord.” He was effectively saying “It’s not about you, it’s about God.” I long for this freedom, this abandon to my overwhelmed heart towards God. Could this be another way the Lord wants us to become child-like? That with no thought to our surroundings, we abandon ourselves in worshipping Him in whatever way the Spirit inspires? That we forget the world around us and cup His face, gazing into His eyes with pure devotion, grinning from ear to ear because finally, we are in His arms again?

Lord, I want to respond to you like this. I want to be free to express my heart of joy and love toward you without worrying about the stares and disapproval of those around me. I want to be so overwhelmed by you that I am willing to fight off everything that holds me back from embracing you. Fill me with a longing for you that makes everything else trivial. I want to run to you, unashamed and unabashed! I want to hold your face and enjoy your gaze, unaware of the world around me. I love you. Overwhelm me.

Advertisements

One comment on “Overwhelmed

  • Yes, Yes, and Yes!!!…..For years I have longed to be able to share my feelings freely and without reproach. I have often spoken to God about being able to love someone, Him, family, friends etc. without the stares, the rolling eyes, jealous/disproving looks from others.

    I once told a young lady, who I thought was a friend, how much I had hoped that she’d find someone who treated her well and made her happy like I was in my relationship at the time. Perhaps I was a little sappy but the sentiment was 100% sincere. It was Christmas time and we were shopping for presents for our supervisors at work. The next day in the locker room before work I overheard her telling another friend about my “sickening performance” the day before. How I wished she would find real love and happiness. They both went on and on about how stupid I was, how ridiculous, fake, a fool, etc. They went on to insult my choice of clothing and anything else they could think of. OUCH! That really hurt my feelings. I thought we had shared a moment but apparently I was the only one invested in the friendship. That changed something in me. It was the first of many bricks to become a wall around me.

    Eventually I felt sorry for the girl. She obviously did not recognize sincerity nor did she accept it from others. For years I beat myself up over my “stupidity” in sharing my caring nature with others only to have it shoved back down my throat. Finally, I was shown that I was not wrong to feel compassion for others nor was I wrong to voice my concern. Other than being more careful with whom I shared my feelings, the fault was not in me.

    I’m taking the long way around saying that I can’t wait to share eternity with God in heaven where the rule IS love. No scoffing aloud. To speak gushy heartfelt joy for each other is perfectly acceptable and tenderness abounds. There will be no raised eyebrows over a hug or a kiss or a well placed prayer or thought. Those who cannot handle love (giving or receiving) will not have to.

    Sometimes this world feels like a cage and we just long to be free. Love you!

  • Leave a Reply

    Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

    WordPress.com Logo

    You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

    Twitter picture

    You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

    Facebook photo

    You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

    Google+ photo

    You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

    Connecting to %s

    %d bloggers like this: