Can I just testify for a moment?
These last few months have been hard on my family. Worse for my son than for the rest of us. With today being the culmination of all the heartache, he set his sights on this day months ago and told me he wasn’t going to even get out of bed today. As I watched his emotions derail, my prayer life leveled up. God, this is your son. It’s time to take over. I need you to get him through this time because I can’t. I became a desperate beggar at the feet of Christ many times a day over the last few weeks, interceding fervently for my children.
Two days ago, I made the necessary plans and took time off work. My son was throwing out both verbal and nonverbal cues that I could expect today to be a day of deep sorrow and grief. I took one day off to prepare myself, and today off to be with my son.
He ditched me.
I took my daughter to school this morning, grabbed his favorite breakfast from a drive-through and headed home determined to fight sadness with some good ole’ fashioned love and attention. I pulled up outside my house and before I could put the car in park, he was sitting in the seat next to me, fully dressed and ready to go to school.
What just happened?
I looked at him and smiled. “Hey, what’s up?”
“I’m going to go to school. I’m going to be happy today.”
Let me shed some clarity for you: I was prepared to medicate my child to get him through this day! Apparently, God just needed him alone for a few minutes. In the short time I left to take my daughter to school, my son had grabbed on to a very mature decision and changed the trajectory of his entire day.
I have spent years worrying about the people my children will become. Their earthly parentage sends shivers up my spine, and in a case of nature vs. nurture, I’ve always worried it might be a losing situation either way. When they were little, I prayed over them every day, “God, if you are my Husband (Isaiah 54:5), then you are their Father. Help me raise them!”
I’ve been terrified since then too, that I am going to fail my children. I am fully aware that my battle between my spirit and my flesh happens in full display before my kids. Home-life casts me as very hypocritical. When this battle started, a whole new level of flesh vs. the spirit happened and I watched flesh deliver blow after blow, wreaking havoc on an already fragile witness before my kids.
Yet here I sit, completely dumbfounded at this sudden turn of events. His decision to be happy in spite of dreadful circumstances is so unlike me. I’m not that strong. In fact, I have resorted lately to simply quoting scriptures instead of giving real thought-filled advice because I suddenly recognize how little wisdom I actually have when it comes to some things. So when he turned to me two days ago and said, “Mom, I’m scared,” I looked over at him and replied, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power and of love and a sound mind.” I also rattled off a few others that bubbled up out of my desperate mommy heart because that’s all that I have to give right now.
My kid went to school today. He wasn’t going to, but he did. Not because of anything I said but because His Father spoke a word in my absence that put demons to flight, broke chains of bondage and set a captive free. Zoloft didn’t do it, God did. HALLELUJAH!!